Life is not a tv show

Life is not a tv show.

If life was a tv show, there would be canned laughter to convince people that everything you say is hilarious.

If life was a tv show, everyone would look like they spend hours each day on their makeup.

If life was a tv show, all the significant moments in our life would be appropriately soundtracked, usually a wistful song by an American indie pop band.

If life was a tv show, no sick animal would go untreated, no drink driver would make it home with their licence intact, and nobody would sneak anything through the airport.

And everybody would have built or renovated their dream home.

If life was a tv show, there would be five cops/detectives/forensic investigators to every other profession, and they would spend all their time investigating horrific and graphic crimes.

Fortunately, there would be more lighthearted subplots, and witty banter to keep everyone’s spirits up.

And they would solve the crimes using extraordinary powers of deduction/mind games/technology. And the bad guys always get caught in the end.

If life was a tv show, most people would be white. There would be no racism though, because almost every group of people would have one token ethnic person, who looks different, but otherwise is exactly the same as everyone else.

If life was a tv show, we would know when it’s reality because then we’d sit in front of the camera saying how we feel about everything that’s happened.

And we would cry on camera because what we’re doing matters so much. Fortunately, we would have a sympathetic B grade celebrity host to help us through.

If life was a tv show, we would only know a handful of people, but it wouldn’t matter because we would always sit in a pub or coffee shop discussing our life in humorous ways.

If life was a tv show, nearly everyone in the world would be young, good looking, and live in inner city apartments.

Or they would live in the suburbs, with their family that consists of a couple of kids, an overweight, lazy husband and his patient, beautiful wife.

If life was a tv show, most of our spare time would be spent having sex or talking about sex.

If life was a tv show, nationalities would be so easy to define. English are quirky, highbrow and intelligent; Australians aren’t usually very good but need to be made to fulfill a quota; and everybody else is American.

If life was a tv show, everything we do would be replayed in 20 years time in a more relaxed timeslot, or on a smaller channel.

If life was a tv show, we wouldn’t have to do anything to experience it other than sit in a couch and absorb it, with an ad break every few minutes so we can go to the toilet or put the kettle on.

Life is not a tv show.

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